What a whirlwind life has been since we last posted in July! A quick recap:
We applied for Liam's Passport last week, so we expect that to come sometime this month, and we plan to buy tickets home next week! As fun as it has been here in the states, I find myself becoming homesick for Haiti faster and faster each trip we take. We plan on staying in Colorado through thanksgiving, and returning to Haiti the first week of December. December holds a lot of staff training, reacclimating, and preparing for the new year, just in time for our next team to arrive in January
Now for a bit of hard truth....
I have been burnt out. I've known this since early this year after I had an anxiety attack and was called out by a friend (who has actually become one of my closest friends since this incident).
I am one of those people who loves helping others and doing projects for others. But I have a problem saying no, or budgeting my time wisely, or extravagant expectations onto myself. I find myself stressing out if even the tiniest thing in my plans goes sideways. I have anxiety attacks. I get overwhelmed. I get frustrated.
So, I have been trying to take it slow this year. Not be so hard on myself. Say no. And I was doing... alright. Even though I was slowing down, I wasn't taking an actual break from the work. I hadn't actually taken a break since we went on the mission field in December 2013. Every time we had come back to the states, to visit, to have Evie and through her two hospital stays, I would take my Outreach Communications job with me. I didn't want to burden anyone, and I was having a hard time letting go of my "baby". I had taken my position and spent the past three years attempting to streamline all of the communication, to make everyone's jobs as easy as I possibly could. I felt like no one could be as efficient as I could. I was afraid that if I gave someone else my job for a time I would have to fix everything all over again. Aaaannd I now realize all of these worries I had been battling were very very silly.
So, for the first time, I passed my job to someone else while it have been in the states. And it has been liberating. And I am thankful. It was hard at first to not check in and make sure things were going ok at first, but right now, two out of three months into my break, I am feeling more relaxed than I have felt in a long time.
I really feel like God has been teaching me during this whole thing to depend on him more, and trust in the plans he has for mine and my family's lives. I used to think of myself as a flexible and go-with-the-flow kind of person; easy to accept the rapid changes that frequently get thrown our way, especially as missionaries in Haiti. But I have come to realize that, in part, this was untrue. I was good with some things, but a lot of times I thought I was being flexible, I wasn't letting flexibility and trusting in God's plan be the first thing. What ACTUALLY would happen would be a mini freakout, calming down, and THEN I would be flexible.
So, right now, I am practicing letting my first reaction to be going to God, for help, for strength, for calm. Not to let fear and anxiety and uncertainty take control, but to praise God in EVERY situation.
So, in summary; burnout sucks, but God can teach you a lot through the process and through the recovery!
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